Lingus(2)By: Mariana Zapata
Okay, well, it creeped me out a lot.
Nikki returned the massive, glass artifact to its place on the table. She was right in front of me, her pretty face pinched into a scowl. "Kat? You better wipe that look off your damn face before I slap it off."
My back stiffened instantly. The thing about Nicole was that she didn't make empty threats. If she said she'd run over your dog if it took a shit on her yard, she would. I wasn't kidding, and she loved dogs. She also loved me. So, I knew she'd slap me in the face.
"Fine," I grumbled, looking down at the floor like a scolded child. "I just feel so awkward..."
"Katherine Berger?" She grabbed my chin and pushed my face up to look her in the eye. "Repeat after me: My name is Kat Berger, and I love porn. There is nothing wrong with enjoying watching two people fuck."
"My name is Kat Berger," I groaned out, clenching my teeth after every syllable. "I like porn. There is nothing wrong with enjoying watching two people fuck."
Nicole dropped my chin and gave me one of her huge, perfect smiles. "Good job, baby. Now let's have some fun!" she cheered and dragged me back to the table where she'd been standing seconds ago.
I felt like everyone was looking at us, but really no one was paying attention to me and Goldilocks right next to me. My nerves were getting the best of me, and my hands were sweating like crazy, so I'm sure my armpits weren't too far behind. God, I felt like an idiot here. Nicole cleared her throat in a way I recognized as a warning for me to snap out of it before she slapped me out of my funk.
A nice looking, older man was standing behind the table, his arms behind his back and a big smile plastered on his face, while Nikki picked up pretty much every goddamn dildo in her hand and examined it right in front of her face like she does when we're buying fruit. She was asking him things like, "Would it be okay if I froze it? How long will it last? Do I need to use any specific cleaning product for it?" This bitch was even crazier than I thought. I swear my vagina clenched at the thought of sticking something frozen in it. Part of me hoped the man would tell her that she could use Windex on it, but he didn't.
"You might as well put it in your mouth," I snickered when she held a pretty clear one with a nice pink swirl an inch away from her face, inspecting the design.
Nicole snorted in amusement and put it back down, telling the nice man that she'd be back later on. Her arm was slung through mine as we made our way down the first row of booths. There were so many people here that I didn't know what to think. I wasn't really sure what I was expecting from the porn convention, but so far all the bystanders seemed like your average Joes. I even spotted a few Crocs along the way and shuddered, remembering that my doctor wore Crocs and I would really, really hate to see him here.
"Nikki, what should I do if I see someone I know?" I asked.
I knew I shouldn't care what people thought. I usually didn't, but there was something about the idea of being caught at a porn convention by, let's say, my neighbor, my mom's friend, my mailman, my boss, or just about freaking anyone I knew, that made me feel uber uncomfortable. Nicole and I had this discussion at least once every six months. We blamed society for making sex seem so dirty and wrong.
There was nothing wrong with sex. There was nothing wrong with masturbation, blow jobs, anal, or whatever. There was nothing wrong with anything sex related, honestly, besides bestiality, which I refused to even think about. But I was still embarrassed to be seen here and that made me feel shitty. I wanted to feel secure and nonchalant like Nicole did.
"Well, there is something you could do. It's called, get this, saying hi. Have you heard of that before?"
I just laughed at her as we paused in front of another booth with a wide assortment of glittery, jelly-looking toys, and I knew I let out a tiny squeal of excitement. I looked from one side to the other to make sure my kindergarten teacher wasn't standing right there before leaning over the table to inspect the treasures laid out on the blue velvet.
After the saleswoman, another nice looking middle aged lady in an "I heart NY" t-shirt and denim shorts, showed me a particularly fantastic looking red hummingbird and sold me on its finer attributes, my wallet was thirty dollars lighter. Luckily, I came prepared and stashed my new little friend in my gigantic purse while Nikki laughed and started shoveling out her own thirty dollars.