Lucky Kisses(7)

By: Addison Moore

“We’re not lifers.” I break free from his sticky tentacles and take a few steps back. Clearly, no one bothered to teach Lawson about physical boundaries and the limbs that are prone to snap when you break them—in this case, the boundaries and the bones.

“That’s because we had a bad breakup last summer,” he says it to Eli as if it were a fact.

Oh my fuck. My next breath gets caught in my throat. “You are such a liar!” My voice rattles around my skull, and, as riotously as I might have shouted the words, I doubt anyone heard outside of our tiny unholy huddle because the house band is just that loud.

“Okay. Fine.” His hands float up as if he were guilty, and he is so freaking guilty, and annoying, and obnoxious. “It was early fall, but I’m not keeping tabs.”

I swat him over the stomach for even implying such evil, and my hand can’t help but note the wall of marble I’m up against.

I look to Eli and shake my head. “I’m not seeing this clown. Never was. Never will.”

“He is a clown.” Eli seems agreeable enough, and his likability index goes up a notch once he sides with me. “Why don’t we shake him?”

“Dude, you can’t ditch me with my ex,” Lawson groans as if this were a real situation brewing here. My mind spins with all of the different scenarios as to why this boy has gone off the deep end, and Jet pops to mind.

“Did my brother put you up to this?” I poke my finger in his hard petrified chest. “Is that why you’re acting so bizarre?”

“I’m not the one acting, sweetie.” He looks to Eli. “She’s just messing with you to get me going.” His expression sours. “Not that she got me going that often. She’s frigid.” He practically mouths that last part, and I suck in a breath in horror. “But I’m not knocking it. Some girls just don’t like sex.”

My jaw unhinges. My adrenaline spikes because Lawson Kent just declared war on both my vagina and me. “I am not frigid!” I’m insolent. I’m pissed is what I am. “I was simply underwhelmed with what you had to offer.” I blink a dry smile. Two can play at that deceptive coital game, and he has no clue what kind of a first-class liar he is up against.

His eyes widen, round as quarters, green as algae.

Ha! Take that, you narcissistic, ego-inflated, basketball-wielding playboy. I’ll outwit, out lie, outplay this deranged master of distortion each and every time. Honestly, I almost feel sorry for him. He has no idea who he’s up against. I turned lying into an art form before I was three.

“That’s right.” I shrug over at Eli who looks as if he’d rather be anywhere but near our toxic tango. “I’m not a size matters kind of a girl, but when you’re dealing with a micropenis and inverted balls—excuse me, undescended testicles—he didn’t really leave me a lot to work with.” I swallow hard, unsure of how messy it’s going to be when Lawson’s ego explodes like a testosterone-filled piñata—although, I’m relishing the thought. I’d love nothing more than to go home tonight wearing Lawson Kent’s malfunctioning manhood on my sweater.

“Dude, I’m not small.” Lawson shakes his head vigorously at his friend, but Eli simply lifts his hands in surrender and slowly backs away.

“I’ll leave you two to work things out.” He gives a tiny grin my way and mouths the words call me.

“I always knew you were a bastard!” Lawson shouts after Eli as the crowd slowly digests him.

I don’t waste a second before getting in Lawson Kent’s face. “You, my friend, are the bastard! Scratch that. You’re not my friend! You’re not my anything! You are certainly not my ex kindergarten lifer. How could you do that to me? I had a sure thing, and you and your delusions of grandeur trashed what could have been the beginning of something beautiful just for the heck of it!”

“How could you say I had a micropenis?” he shouts so loud half of my sorority sisters stop gyrating to the music to gawk at him and his potential deformity. I hope to God they are all taking notes. “I don’t, by the way!” he’s quick to contest to the crowd.

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