Never Been Loved(3)

By: C.M. Kars

It sits in my gut like a live fire, burning everything I am, everything I have in me, and taunts me with the image of her face on the little kid she gave birth to. Matty.


Just fuck.

I pick up dirty clothes off the floor, arrange my meagre belongings into a small semblance of order. S’all I have in my apartment – what little my life has brought me to this point. You can’t really tell if I live here, but you know a little kid does, and I’m not okay with that.

My phones buzzes again; Aly’s getting impatient, which means she’ll take her time with me when I just want a quick fuck. She’s going to demand to come over, to stay the night when we both know it’s not something I like to do, especially with the kid around. She’s going to punish me for making her wait.

I change my game-plan around, and call Eddie to tell him that Matty needs to stay the night. The kid has an extra set of toys, movies, and clothes over at Mom’s place, so I don’t need to go over again, thank God.

When I’m sure I’m ready and the place looks okay, I ignore the sinking feeling in my gut as I lock up. I look at the babe’s door, wonder what she’s doing behind it, if she’s still reading that book. I shake my head at my stupidity and make my way towards the elevator.

I need to get her out of my head – a woman like that, she’s not for me.

Twenty minutes later I’m at Aly’s front door, and she’s waiting outside for me. She struts towards my car, exaggerating her walk as her hips cock out each time, and fuck if I don’t notice.

Tight jeans, tighter top pulled low enough to show the top edge of her lacy bra, red hair curled to perfection, lips painted red, eyes rimmed with a shit-ton of makeup. Not my favourite look, but she looks like what she’s saying with every inch of her body and the way her lips are sucking at the lollipop in her mouth – a good time. And I’m the lucky guy she’s going to spend the next few hours with.

“What took you so long?” she says as a way of hello once she gets in my car. Before she even puts her belt on and I put the car into gear, she twists around to get a look at the empty car seat in the back.

My dick hurts and my blood’s on fire. We both know she’s calling the shots, and I won’t be with anyone else. I tried that, and I’m better off alone.

“I had to drop Matty off, all right?” I strangle the steering wheel as I head back to my place.

“And you’re...okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I tell her, trying to concentrate on the road and ignore the hollow feeling in my chest.

Even after all this time we’ve known each other, Aly still doesn’t get it.

She pulls down the visor and flips open the mirror, trailing that lollipop across her mouth. I break out into a sweat, my dick pounding so hard, I might just come in my pants. The relief I gave myself in the shower hasn’t helped all that much, and barely took the edge off.

“No, I mean... you’re okay?”

I narrow my eyes at the road, then turn and give her a look. “My sugar’s fine, Aly. I wouldn’t’ve come otherwise.”

“Right, baby. Like you can keep away from me.” She chuckles deep in her throat, the sound triggering the memories we’ve made in my bed. She was the first, the one I lost my virginity to before I was sick, before my whole life went to shit. Ten years down the road and neither of us has moved forward. We’re still stuck together. The thought of my future being with her does odd things to my insides.

“Hmmmm,” she sighs, and out of the corner of my eye I can see her hand trailing along her collarbones, dipping into her cleavage. I’m throttling the steering wheel now and the leather groans in retaliation. “I wonder what we can do to pass the time?”

I bite down on my back molars and stare straight ahead. Yeah, she’s used her mouth on me before when I’d been driving, but as the years have gone by I find myself no longer taking chances – I need to take care of Matty.

Responsibility crushes down on my shoulders and hollows out my gut. I push the fucker back with all my mental will, and concentrate on the pain in my dick, the throb that’s going to ease when we get back to my bed.

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